History of Ivan Ivanovich
One of the blind, who has been living with a guide dog for several years, told me his story. He told me in a fit of frankness, not expecting it to be published. When, after some time, I asked for permission to print his story, he first refused. But, after thinking, he changed his mind. He said that he would be glad if his story supports someone in a difficult moment. He asked me not to mention his name and change the dog’s nickname. If anyone himself guesses – it’s not scary, but on purpose – it’s not necessary. I fulfilled this condition.
“I was blind when I was thirty years old. I had a profession, a good job and a family. At the factory where I worked, there was an accident, an explosion. My face and hands were burned. Most importantly, my eyes. I don’t remember the hospital, I was in I don’t want to remember, it’s not enough good. Bandages on my face, endless dressings, my hands don’t listen, they are all in bandages. I didn’t immediately recognize that I had lost my sight. Doctors didn’t say anything about this to me or my wife, maybe they doubted it, but I didn’t understand it. My head was burned, all my bandaged, my eyes too. I thought that everything would heal, well, maybe the scars will remain. The scars are nonsense, I’m a man, most importantly, my arms and legs are intact. But it turned out that everything had almost healed, even the scars, they say, weren’t scary, the skin evened out over time and my eyes didn’t see. And nothing can be done. I was told a few days later. I didn’t understand at first, was blind, did I? And the doctor patted him on the shoulder, reassuring: “Well, nothing, they will give the first group, you will receive a pension! The main thing is that they are alive! “And when I understood what she was saying, I thought: it’s better to die. I have a beautiful young wife, kids – a daughter and a son – are still preschoolers, retired parents, and I have … a cripple on their neck? I’m going to sit, I’ll be a burden, it’s not my life and misfortune myself. It was very bad for me. I can’t put it in words, but believe me, it’s worse than I never was and probably never will be. Honestly, I wanted to commit suicide “I couldn’t do it. Not because I didn’t have the courage, I probably would have done it from despair. But I just couldn’t: where I don’t understand it right and left. What’s going to be done. Yes, and there’s not one in the ward. My wife came to visit me the next day, she already knows, she was also informed. I told her: “Drop me?” And she: “You are a fool , a fool! “And cried.
They discharged me from the hospital, brought me home. Lord, after all, the truth was “brought”, helpless, on everything stumbling, confused. I’m sitting on the sofa like a doll. I’m afraid to go to my own apartment. The children were delighted, of course, that I returned home, but the son, he is older, is somehow wary, he understood everything, does not know how to behave with me now. My wife prepared them while I was in the hospital, but would you prepare for such words? And my daughter is three years old, baby. Shouts: “Daddy, I’ll show you a new book now, will you read to me?”
A few days have passed. I don’t know what to do with myself. What should a person do who cannot reach the bathroom himself? She is not able to pour a mug of tea without half a kitchen. I became angry, plagued. I break down on children, I don’t speak with my wife almost, I quarreled with my parents. Friends are calling, I am not on the phone. I hate myself. And I regret it. This is probably the whole point.
About two weeks later my brother returned from a business trip. And immediately to us. He spent about an hour and realized what was happening. The wife of the children went to bed, and he grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, shook me with all his strength and hissed: “Well, let’s go, have a smoke, wretched one!” He dragged to the balcony, closed the door. He very clearly explained to me who I am. And I didn’t mind. Then, cooling off, he says: “You have to fight! Everyone is ready to help you, and you’ve got wet! You’d regret yours! Children are already afraid of you, it’s painful to look at Olya. Another would throw you, rag! Well, a lot more then, in the same vein.
I began to fight. He knew that his brother was right in many ways. I would like to think that I myself would have pulled myself together after a while.
I began to study. Learning to walk independently. First around the apartment. I learned to determine where what items stand, to remember. He began to use a cane, a special long white cane for the blind. The whole science turned out to be. But it helped me a lot. I adapted to do something at home. There are many ways, if you should try as well as clean up without vision, prepare food. Not to say that it was easy. How many times in despair I wanted to quit.
With Olya, we decided that she would go to work, and I would do household chores, children. Parents will help me at first, well, live nearby. So far, we have enough of her earnings and my pension. And then we’ll see. This decision was not easy for me. The wife insisted. And frankly, there was no choice.
I gradually got accustomed, reconciled with my blindness. It became easier when I learned to cope with everything on my own. The only thing I could not do was walk on the street myself. I’ll go out of the staircase, because I remember everything, where is the path, but I’m afraid to go. I know that there is nothing to worry about, well, I’ll stumble, well, I’ll hit a car on the sidewalk, it’s not deadly. I can’t. Stupid…